Method · The Dilaire Journal
How does professional matchmaking work, step by step?
By Deepesh Patel, Co-founder and Lead Matchmaker · Published 11 October 2026 · Last reviewed 11 October 2026
Most people meet professional matchmaking only through television, so the process can feel opaque. It need not be. The best firms describe their method in numbered steps; US firm Selective Search, for example, publishes a named six-step process and runs a free programme for the people its clients may meet [1][2]. Here is how a well-run search works.
Step 1: a private conversation
A search begins with a call, not a form full of preferences. The matchmaker learns who you are, what you want from a marriage, what you will not compromise on, and whether your family will be involved. In India, families often help source and approve matches [3], so this is also the moment to agree who receives updates. A good matchmaker will also say if they are not the right service for you.
Step 2: a written brief and proposal
After the call you should receive something in writing: the scope of the search, the term, the minimum number of introductions, and the terms. Read it before paying anything.
Step 3: finding and verifying people
The matchmaker looks among existing clients and members, and in stronger services recruits beyond them. Before anyone is introduced, their identity, education, work and marital status should be checked with their consent. See our 15-point verification checklist for what that should cover.
Step 4: considered introductions
Instead of scrolling, you receive one introduction at a time, with the reasons the matchmaker thinks it could work. Details are shared only when both people agree. Elite matchmakers keep short client lists, sometimes half a dozen or fewer, so each search gets attention [4].
Step 5: honest review
After each meeting, the matchmaker speaks with both people and adjusts the search. Candour matters here: you should hear if expectations need to change, or if the search is not working.
What to ask before you start
| Introductions | How many, over what term, and in writing? |
|---|---|
| Verification | What is checked, and for whom? |
| Who runs it | Will a senior matchmaker or founder handle my search? |
| If it falls short | What happens if the minimum is not met? |
| Terms | What are the refund and pause terms? |
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